Today, Gawker posted an article entitled “7 Things You Should Never Do in a Club.” As usual, the Gawker team hit the nail on the head, outlining some of the more annoying occurrences which usually take place on a weekend night.
Personally, I feel that there were a few topics not covered, and some certain club snafus that cannot be ignored. I acknowledge, in advance, that these particular “Don’ts” have a particularly female-centric slant, so if you can’t relate I’m sorry.
Don’t Wait IN the Bathroom
It’s common knowledge that women travel in packs, particularly when we go to the bathroom. It’s a phenomenon that even we don’t understand, but it happens most often when out at a club or lounge. Unfortunately, common courtesy doesn’t always register with drunk individuals, and some ladies have a habit of remaining IN the bathroom while their friends are waiting in line or occupying a stall. This is one of the most inconvenient arrangements I’ve ever experienced. In an already crowded bathroom, I’m of the belief that more bodies just creates more conflict. So girls, please just go, do what you came to do, and leave again. Fix your hair, pee, do your makeup, hell – do a line off the nasty seat for all I care. But please just leave the bathroom when you’re done. It makes things move faster and more efficiently, and reduces my risk of getting stepped or spilled on.
Don’t Send Drinks
As far as I can tell this doesn’t happen as much as it used to in any situation or setting. However, I’ve seen it happen in a club and it’s just bad form. It’s too loud to even consider approaching the sender to say thank you. And it’s too crowded to even get to him/her. Once again, spillage is a serious risk. And unless you’re Don Draper, you will likely come off as a creep. There’s really no way around it. Don’t send drinks at a club. A quiet pub, a wine bar, even a restaurant. Fine. But not in a club. EVER.
Don’t Wear Expensive or Rare Fabrics
Depending on the venue, you are likely going to get bumped and nudged. Depending on what kind of evening you’re having, and of course what kind of friend’s you’ve got, you are going to get spilled on, have makeup smeared on you, get pen on your hands, and you may possibly even vomited on. So, for the love of god, don’t complain when your silk/sequined/feathered/leather item of clothing gets “ruined.” You should have known better. Save the sassy textiles for the classy venues.
Back Up Off My Back
I am fully aware that it is difficult to approach a member of the opposite sex in a club with the hopes of generating some sort of spark or connection of any kind. I respect that it takes a lot for a guy to dance at all, let alone come over and try to dance with me. I’m also completely comfortable with the fact that nobody formally asks to dance with you anymore. But I don’t understand how guys assume we ladies find it appealing when we suddenly feel your pelvis grinding up against us from behind. It’s the dance-floor equivalent of a catcall. I’m sorry, I haven’t even looked at you in the face, and you’re dancing with, no, ON me? No no little man. Stop right there. If a woman wants to dance with you, she will let you know. Even the shyest of ladies will somehow alert you to her interests. Pay attention to our body language and keep an eye out for eye contact. For those of you dancers who are actually good at what you do, do your thing! Dance away. Show us what you’ve got, and if you seem fun and appealing, we’ll come to you. Otherwise, please keep your junk away from my trunk.
Don’t Get Completely Trashed
I’m all for having a good time, but please please please don’t get so drunk that you need to be taken care of. It’s somewhat acceptable in any other scenario, but in the event that a friend gets beyond drunk in a crowded club, you’re just in for a really long night. As mentioned before, the bathrooms are crowded. God forbid your friend needs to get sick, you’re screwed. And leaving is a whole other issue – and finding the missing coat/purse/shoes/wallet/credit card/cell phone is just the first step. You still need to find a way to coerce your wasted friend OUT of the club. More often than not they will want to stay, completely unaware of what a mess they’ve become. If, however, you DO manage to get them to leave, just getting to the door is a problem in itself. The throngs of dancing club-goers will likely make it hard for you to get outside, let alone you dragging/pushing/carrying a friend out with you. So please, boys and girls, don’t just think of yourselves – think of me and the people like me who have to get you in a cab at the end of the night.
Watch Your Elbows
I get it. It’s crowded at clubs. People are dancing and having a good time, and generally you don’t notice that you’re elbowing me in the back. But I’ve heard horror stories of poked eyes, hair caught in rings, elbows to the ribs/back/stomach and worse. So please, just be aware of your surroundings… Or else you might get a very deliberate elbow throw to the gut.
(Photo Credit: Tumblr)
